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.:: Jokes and 'Shayaris' > Sardar ... |  |
Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?" "Sure." "Give me a green one, please." **** * * * * EMPLOYMENT.. Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job.He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc.Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes * * * * * * CROCODILE BOOTS.. Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile checks its legs and angrily exclaims 71st and *again* barefeet!" * * * * * * A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold. The sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks,"What is that shiny object with u?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says,"What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke." * * * * * * A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" * * * * * * What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes!! * * * * * * What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper ?(he already has one and he wants one more..)He takes a photocopy of the white paper !!! * * * * * * Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab.Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????" * * * * * * * * Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? Because below 18 was not allowed. * * * * * * How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence? Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear * * * * * * What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. * * * * * * What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you? Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth. * * * * * * How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday. * * * * * * What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears? Trying to hold on to a thought. * * * * * * Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you don't have to re-train them on Monday. * * * * * * Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe. * * * * * * How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff. * * * * * * What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel. * * * * * * What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes? The back of his head. * * * * * * What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer? Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!). * * * * * * What do you call a sardar who has only one drink? Just-one Singh. * * * * * * Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken. * * * * * * Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes? Toes Go In First. * * * * * * How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it. * * * * * * Why can't Sardar dial 911? They can not find the eleven on the phone * * * * * * How do you get Sardar on the roof? Tell him the drinks are on the house. * * * * * * "Oh, look at the dead bird." Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where? * * * * * * What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but you never see them. * * * * * * Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head. * * * * * * **************************************************** TO LOSE WEIGHT.. The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem."What's the problem?"asked the doctor."I'm 2400 kms from home." * * * * * * **************************************************** TRAIN TO LUDHIANA.. Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks Gani Singh. * * * * * * **************************************************** A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai,pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata " * * * * * * **************************************************** Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed what he saw in the mirror. Said his wife " Kya hua ji?" Replied he "Oh God! That stupid man took twenty rupees from me and woke up someone else". * * * * * * **************************************************** Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked,"Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too." * * * * * * **************************************************** Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid:Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji replies,I read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese." * * * * * * **************************************************** Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space. The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!"(its the barking sound ) "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!" "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!" * * * * * * **************************************************** Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder." ************ **************************************************** DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunately Banta got pushed to the top deck. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "ArreBanta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*" ***************************************************************** Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."" Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But..what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back." ***************************************************************** A passerby watched two sardarjis in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again. Tell me,' said the passerby, What on earth are you doing?' Well,' said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us. I dig the hole, Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole. Today Balwant is off ill, but that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get the day off, does it? ####***************************************************************** Banta Singh rushed back angrily to the grocerry shop from where he had purchased a packet of butter a few minutes ago. "Where is my free gift?" he shouted at the shopkeeper. "But Sir, there is no free gift on the purchase of butter." The shopkeeper answered politely. "Don't fool me," replied Banta, "it is clearly written on the packet of the butter 'Cholesterol free'". ####***************************************************************** One day Santa Singh was home and he went to the kitchen, opened the Sugar bottle, peeped inside and closed it. His wife was seeing this. After some time Santa again went to the kitchen, opened the Sugar Bottle, peeped inside and closed it. His wife again saw this. Santa Singh again and again did the same thing. His wife was puzzled at why did he do something like this.. So, she asked Santa, 'Why did you open the Sugar bottle, see inside and close it often?' Santa Singh replied, 'I am a Sugar Patient you know.... Our doctor advised me to check up the Sugar often'. ####***************************************************************** A Sardarji bought a new car. Next day he is driving his car to office. On the way he was waiting for the Signal. Suddenly he opened the door and got down. Then he went to the Traffic Police and asked him, 'How much should I pay to turn right?' The Policeman was astonished and asked, 'Why are you asking like this?' Then Sardarji showed him the sign board which was in the corner of the road: 'Free Left Turn' ##########*********************************************************** Jugnu Singh sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing. The bystander: A Marathon race is going on Jugnu Singh: What do they get from that? Bystander: The winner will get a prize. Jugnu Singh: Then why are the others running?! ********************************************************************* Jugnu Singh: I was born in the Punjab. Harpal Singh: Oh really, which part? Jugnu Singh: All of me, silly. ********************************************************************* Jugnu : Tell me five FEROCIOUS animals you can think of.. Harpal : 3 Lions and 2 Tigers. ********************************************************************* Q: How can you recognize Jugnu Singh in a submarine? A: He is the one with the parachute on his back. ********************************************************************* Jugnu Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone. "Is this one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven eleven." "Are you sure it isn't one one one one?" "No, this is eleven eleven." "Well, wrong number. I am Harpal calling, sorry to have woken you up on the middle of the night." "That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway." ********************************************************************* Q: Why did the Jugnu Singh take a pair of binoculars with him to a funeral? A: It was a distant relative's funeral :-) |
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Jokes and 'Shayaris' > Sardar |
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